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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 29, 2013 17:13:48 GMT
In the course of my lifetime I have been what I considered "poor". Mostly (as a spoiled brat) when I was profligate and had to await receipt of my allowance, a quarterly trust fund payment or a pay cheque. It is only within the past twenty or so years that I have learned what POVERTY is, and what it can do.
Since I was 16 years of age I have had a job of some sort. Yes,in addition to the allowances and quarterly remittances. I have mowed lawns, been a mason's laborer on a construction job, paged then did research in a library, tutored, run a (car) towing company, worked as an Assistant Department Manager (ladies accessories) in retail, wrote (very bad) advertising copy, was the Assistant to the Assistant Treasurer for an international communications company, taught at a University, was a page then an equerry for a ruling royal family (not the British one!), worked in the mail room of an international airline, became a regional systems administrator of all things technology related for that international airline (posted abroad for part of that career), owned and operated a shop selling antiques and "stuff", been an eBay seller, worked for other eBay sellers, taught "eBay as a Career". Through it all I have also had (a lot!) of my drivel published by niche specific Universities and other publications.
And yes, I am educated - two masters and a Doctorate.......... in absolutely useless but fascinating fields.........
OOPS! I forgot - I have also designed costumes for off Broadway (did a production of Iolanthe with all the faeries in apple green tulle with sparkling/flashing lights in skirts, nearly electrocuted the entire cast), done residential design and interior decoration (including a HUGE debacle in someone's home, again with the apple green.......), stood around looking unutterably bored and superior as a picker/chooser at a very fashionable NYC club, closed down or been thrown out of some of the best and worst bars in the world, tossed my cookies in the lap of a duchess, passed out in church, made mad, passionate love to a married woman and ran like hell when she responded favorably, said something to Tennesse Williams while in a drunken rage (me not him) that I will ever regret, ............ never mind - that has nothing to do with poverty..............
So I was never REALLY poor - only financially embarrassed as Papa would say...........
Now I am truly poor ...................and IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 29, 2013 18:01:37 GMT
The things I RESENT about poverty...........
I resent the TIME poverty takes from my life. Laundry and pressing, hoovering, dusting, window washing, general house work, washing dishes, careful and time consuming planning and marketing, meal preparation, a minimum of 4 hours a day traveling to and from my current employment, my part time gigs and outside jobs, sitting in medical clinic waiting rooms without an appointment................
I don't resent the physical labor and I don't denigrate it either. I happen to be very good at most of those things .......but I would rather have them done for me because there is so much ELSE I would rather do ..... books to be read, people to be talked to and taught, monographs to be written, ideas to be crystallized, so much ............
Mama always said that there is more to life than Pledge and Windex and now I know exactly what she meant............
I resent the fact that I have to press/iron my sheets........don't get me wrong, there is no feeling like that of crawling between two crisply ironed linen sheets..........but I HAVE to iron my sheets now......... all of the cotton ones are worn through, can't afford new ones, and all that is left are linen sheets ....... and un-pressed linen sheets are akin to fine grit sandpaper on old skin.............
I resent the fact that everything I was taught about running a house (large or small) was WRONG! No do not, under any circumstances listen to that "rotate the linens" every week bunk. You know what happens? They all wear out AT THE SAME TIME! All the cotton sheets are now handkerchief sized pieces in my top dresser drawer........and all of the nice big, fluffy bath towels are in the donation to the local ASPCA bin......... fortunately there are still a few good tablecloths and napkins left, but they are becoming a bit limp and thin, so shortly ..............
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 29, 2013 18:32:39 GMT
Poverty begets poverty - it is self perpetuating........ I just LOVE it when (admittedly trying to be helpful) people tell me that I can get a HUGE package of toilet rolls for $14.99 - enough to last a year! Better than paying $1.59 (plus sales tax) per roll, huh? That is probably true (I have learned to ration toilet rolls), but ya see, there's a little problem there ............. I have exactly $35 per week to spend on food and necessities........so if I spend half of it on toilet rolls, which I can't eat for lunch or supper, well you see the issue...........and the reverse is also true when there is a half of a side of pork or beef on sale for 79 cents a pound.......sure I know how to butcher meat (well enough anyway) and I have a sub-zero freezer. I also know that I can not substitute a frozen pork chop for a toilet roll....even in an emergency............so every purchase is the smallest, cheapest available which works out to be two to four times the cost of buying in "bulk", but where is the solution?  ? Sure my breakfast fruit is 50 cents a pound (where the hell is the CENTS key on this keyboard???) cheaper at the fruit market (still pay 4% sales tax though). But stack that up against the fact that it would cost me $5.00 round trip on the bus to GET that fruit and it is actually more expensive.......... Latest ploy of the local government to keep me (and others) poor? Completely banning single use plastic bags. I KNOW that they are bad for the environment. I KNOW they don't degrade. I KNOW that they were the direct cause of hundreds (thousands?) of deaths due to flooding in Pakistan (Bangladesh?)....... I ALSO know that I have to time and plan my purchasing so that I can get a plastic carry-away bag at least twice a week. I can NOT afford to spend what will amount to approximately one-sixth of my monthly budget on commercial "trash can liners" to put my kitchen garbage in. Oh yeah, and the sales tax on those bags is 10%, not 4% as it is on foodstuffs........... Tax on food.........almost absurd as a thought, more madding as a practice. 4% tax on a package of supermarket bagels IF they are not sliced. Sliced bagels qualify as a "prepared" food so the tax is 10%..............I have a periodic (rarely, but not the point) weakness for a certain brand of chocolate bar. That particular all-chocolate candy bar is taxed at 12% as CANDY. The same company makes another bar (same size) that has a wafer in it (I don't LIKE that bar), but because it has flour (the wafer) it is NOT classed as candy but as food, so only 4% tax................ I have learned that the best place to buy milk and eggs is a gas station convenience store. Something I used to think the worst of........... but practicality has shown me that not only is the price as much as 50% lower than the grocery market, the goods are fresher .... they have smaller coolers and get more frequent (almost daily) deliveries............. still have to pay the 4% tax though.............. And speaking of that ........... through trial and error I have learned which shops to pay cash in and which to use my debit card in. When the clerk in one particular shop notices you are paying with cash, he ignores any amount under 50 cents (key? where is that damned key?) and charges the lower, rounded dollar amount. If I pay with the card, he charges the full amount. |
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 30, 2013 2:10:40 GMT
Poverty plays hell with your social life............everyone I work with thinks I am a snob or that I dislike them because I don't join them for lunch or for after work drinks...........its not that I am a snob or that I don't like them (well, not entirely), its because I don't have the price of a drink and my lunch is usually a hand full of "no name" generic pretzels I bring a plastic container (so I don't eat the entire bag, which equates to a week's worth of lunches.....)
Even good and trusty old friends have to go to the wayside.......sure they understand my position and are mostly more than willing and happy to "treat" me to dinners and evenings out (now THAT can get expensive), but how many times can a person accept that sort of hospitality before it feels like charity? No, I will not go to dinners at old friends homes knowing that I will never be able to reciprocate. So my social life has shrunken to the homeless substance abusers I volunteer with. And no, I do not feel guilty slurping up half of the six pack they bring.......... even if it is American lager.........
Note: There is a married couple that I am extremely close to and when they get to the States I do accept their "let's go out" invitations...but that is more because I want to spend what limited time we have together. And crap, let's admit it FREE FOOD AND A DRUNKEN BINGE!!!!!!
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Post by persona-non-gratin on Jun 30, 2013 14:14:49 GMT
I have always thought that I would become used to wealth instantly, poverty has taken a lifetime.
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 30, 2013 19:56:56 GMT
2o years ago I would have waited and planned months in advance for a week like this coming week. Thursday holiday - think the boss will give us Friday as well? ?? Yeah! Just announced, Friday off as well! FOUR DAY WEEKEND!!!!!!! Okay, should we have a (3 day?) party? Should we pop over to London or Amsterdam? Call your friends in the Hamptons and see if we can wangle an invite? What? - we HAVE three invitations? Who's sounds the best? No matter what we're going to do, call your "other friend" and see what "party supplies" are available! Where's my Hawaiian shirt and my speedo............ Well, that was 20 years ago (and NO I never actually wore a speedo - shudder). Now I live in absolute dread of weeks such as this. And that includes Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years weeks as well............It's "bad enough" that I loose a day's pay for the holiday itself, but now I loose TWO day's pay.............And of course none of my part-time gigs will need me.......and my regular eBay clients will all be otherwise occupied as well.............even the homeless guys have party plans........... So that dejected looking old soul with his nose pressed against the window, watching the rest of the world celebrate, will be me.........no money, nowhere to go, no one to celebrate with .......... alas! poor me............sob maybe I'll put all of the pennies in the penny jar in date order............ Or I'll casually let a copy of this find's its way to my boss's desk and he'll take pity and at the least gift me a bottle of brandy so I can spend at least one day in a drunken stupor.........(oh, how I crave a glass of brandy!) And as a good, thrifty American I hereby declare that ALL holidays will be moved to Mondays so at most we only have three day weekends (or Saturdays???) And that includes Christmas, Boxing Day, New Years Day, Twelfth Night, Ramadan, Chanukah, and Tet......(NO more multiple day holidays - squeeze all 8 days of Chanukah into one - if the ostentatious Episcopalians can get the gift-giving thing over in TWO days, surly its a possibility...........) Aw hell, I'll be dead in a few years and it won't matter, so....carry on! |
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jul 4, 2013 12:57:21 GMT
Some one asked "If you have all of the things that show in the photobucket link you posted, why are you still poor". Here is the link they are referring to: linkAnd here's my response: Good question! Actually about 99% of what you see is actively for sale on line, either a selling website (not eBay) or Craigslist. And some of the items in the photos have been sold. But it a slow process. As far as the ("make do silver"), service for 12 Westmorland "Lady Hilton" (approx 200 pieces), that is actually my "Life Insurance Policy". When I finally do kick off, an acquantiance has instructions to sell it (either scrap or usable value) to realize enough to have me cremated and scattered either in Central Park, NYC, or at sea. Unless of course anyone will be walking across Tower Bridge in London .......................... I have no other insurance, so that silver is what will keep my from a pauper's grave in a Hefty bag! Any remaining items (hopefully not many) in my home will either be reused at the shelter I run, or sold to benefit the shelter. |
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jul 8, 2013 2:07:53 GMT
Not an original thought - but I do forget where I read it or which character "said" it so I can't give credit where credit is due right now, but poverty certainly simplifies your life.
When affluent, life was complicated. Travel, clothes, social engagements, gifts to others, party planning (the last large party I gave cost over $5K), satisfying my OCD need to have THE most completely stocked larder (10 types of pasta - just in case), freezer (5 different fowl, venison and bison - just in case), linen closet (new guest towels and finger towels - just in case) and supply closet (enough toilet rolls and cleaning products to stock a hotel - just in case)in the United States, etc.
Now, life is MUCH simpler - enough to pay the rent, enough to hand the utility companies to keep the life lines operating, enough to pay for medications and food to keep the life going.............while worrying that my last pair of shoes (and jeans!) will soon wear out, they are really not important.............shelter and food are WAY more important..........simple as that.
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Post by bookahtoo on Jul 12, 2013 10:53:06 GMT
My I ask how you became so poor? Do not answer if it's too painful or the question's too intrusive.
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jul 13, 2013 4:32:46 GMT
My I ask how you became so poor? Do not answer if it's too painful or the question's too intrusive. Ah - that, my dear is the sixty-four thousand dollar question! And here is the nutshell news edition - just the facts, no call for a pity party! Actually, it was a series of events that lead to a gradual diminishing of my income, but the real crunch came when my father got ill. He had been in a relationship for over 35 years, his partner died and unfortunately under the then current NY State laws, he could inherit nothing from their life together. And the house he lived in had already been transferred (donated) to the state, so he was effectually homeless. He came to live with me in Chicago. At that time the company he had worked for, and been retired from, for years went insolvent and he lost his pension. And then the market crash of '87 took most of his (and my) other income. We started muddling through on his Social Security, his Veteran's benefits, my salary (not a pittance I might add!) and what little private income I still had. Unfortunately, his medical costs were tremendous. the VA didn't cover many things, Medicare (or Medicaid - could never keep that straight) wouldn't cover many things because he had some assets left and had to wait four years after disposing of them to get additional benefits. The end came into sight when his medication started costing us $150 per day - AFTER the portions paid by the VA and Medicare. In 1999 the company I had worked for for over 25 years laid off ALL 796 US employees (outsourced to another company) ending my salaried income, there was another market "correction" that effectively ended my trust fund (thanks to rule imposed when the trust was created waaaaaaaaaaaaay back in the 1950's). When my employment ended so did my medical coverage. My father eventually died, my personal savings were depleted, I tried muddling through, Bernie Madoff was responsible for the loss of any investments my brokers had made as well as the crash of my 401k, and I was too old for the job market.............. Medical costs have beggared me (I have congenital issues, not the least of which is hemophilia, and 20 years ago I had cancer and as a result had a kidney removed with has lead to continuous complications) and even with other benefits, I pay out an average of $200 a week not including clinics/doctors and emergency room visits. I am over $70k in debt for medical and general living expenses and making payments on those debts, and my income has shrunk to what I earn from an hourly wage working for an eBay seller (I effectively run his operation), my eBay consulting gigs (currently have a roster of 8 sellers who pay me $50-$100 per month for advice and assistance), what I can earn selling personal property (on-line at Bonanza and Craigslist), fees from simple party planning (and some catering), and the rental of china, glassware, linens and silver. I do muddle through - I stand on my own, don't ask for anything from anyone (though on the rare occasion I DO raid the fresh fruit donations to our homeless shelter when there is an abundance! Do you realize that a single pear costs about $1.00 these days! And I don't care how you "slice" it - six guys are NOT going to use 12 heads of celery before it wilts away). I only hope that I can repay what I owe (at least to generous people who have assisted) before I die. I would hate for my only legacy to be unpaid bills!!!! And just to be as clear as possible, I find no shame in poverty - naturally I find a loss of dignity, but dignity is worthless without a piece of bread to put it on. But I resent poverty - it has taken the sparkle and joy out of life, reduced it to the basest elements. On the other hand it has actually brought some understanding of others who made "different" choices in their lives..............imagine being my age and (albeit fleetingly) considering bank robbery as a means to get the necessary "requirements" to watch PBS television! |
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Post by bookahtoo on Jul 14, 2013 1:25:21 GMT
Wow. What an unfortunate series of events. Thanks for sharing.
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jul 14, 2013 14:24:25 GMT
In my work with the homeless I have found that the cost of medical care has been at least part of the cause, either directly or indirectly. Usually related to a relative or partner, not the resulting homeless person. And the way things are shaping right now, it may be the cause of mine!  By no means is that the entire reason - in most cases, it is very complex and convoluted. I deal with a guy right now who is in his late 30's who was once a very happy and self-sufficient, middle class married man with a wife and two kids. About ten years ago his wife was stricken with a rare cancer. His job did not provide medical coverage and the insurance he had paid for for ten years did not cover much of her medical expenses. In the midst of this one of his children was stuck by a car - a hit and run - so there was no insurance to cover much of the cost of that incident either. Eventually they lost the house, his wife died (thankfully in hospital, he and the kids were living in his pickup truck), and the state eventually took the children "because he could not care for them". In his despondence over his "inadequacy" he turned to drink and lost any chance of even seeing his kids again. He is getting sober, but it is a hard road - he is still "in collection" for the medical costs for his wife - we are fighting it, but it is half hearted on his part, because he feels that he DOES owe this money, because it is related to his attempt to save his wife and "he failed". But to the common eye, this guy is just a drunk who "threw away" a good life and his wife and kids.............. |
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jul 18, 2013 1:35:52 GMT
One of the things I have found that alleviates some of the "drama & trauma" of being poor is "special treats" that give a feeling of luxury...........
On Monday mornings I get up 15 minutes earlier so I can take a long, lather filled shower with (the remaining) good bath products. The rest of the week I use the cheap stuff (and WHY is that crap all scented with nasty fruits, vegetables, flowers and breezes - it leaves me feeling like I poured on a bottle of "eau de putain sans bain"). Monday morning is special.............
Sunday mornings I have "breakfast" with my coffee.....a soft roll with sweet butter ......... Sunday morning is special..........
But I have to be careful with this theory ............ there is nothing more pathetic than an old man cooking, and sitting down to, a "special" holiday meal - all alone in a pity puddle, pining for the past............NOTHING special about that.....
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jul 18, 2013 1:36:27 GMT
One of the things I have found that alleviates some of the "drama & trauma" of being poor is "special treats" that give a feeling of luxury...........
On Monday mornings I get up 15 minutes earlier so I can take a long, lather filled shower with (the remaining) good bath products. The rest of the week I use the cheap stuff (and WHY is that crap all scented with nasty fruits, vegetables, flowers and breezes - it leaves me feeling like I poured on a bottle of "eau de putain sans bain"). Monday morning is special.............
Sunday mornings I have "breakfast" with my coffee.....a soft roll with sweet butter ......... Sunday morning is special..........
But I have to be careful with this theory ............ there is nothing more pathetic than an old man cooking, and sitting down to, a "special" holiday meal - all alone in a pity puddle, pining for the past............NOTHING special about that.....
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Post by Doctor Proctor on Jul 23, 2013 0:04:13 GMT
One of the things I have found that alleviates some of the "drama & trauma" of being poor is "special treats" that give a feeling of luxury........... On Monday mornings I get up 15 minutes earlier so I can take a long, lather filled shower with (the remaining) good bath products. The rest of the week I use the cheap stuff (and WHY is that crap all scented with nasty fruits, vegetables, flowers and breezes - it leaves me feeling like I poured on a bottle of "eau de putain sans bain"). Monday morning is special............. Sunday mornings I have "breakfast" with my coffee.....a soft roll with sweet butter ......... Sunday morning is special.......... But I have to be careful with this theory ............ there is nothing more pathetic than an old man cooking, and sitting down to, a "special" holiday meal - all alone in a pity puddle, pining for the past............NOTHING special about that..... Expand and submit! Do you have a "treat" for every day? Give me background, what makes it a luxury? "a soft roll with sweet butter" as opposed to??????? Keep the "drama & trauma" phrase. Possilby part of the title? |
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Post by Mansons2005 on Aug 11, 2013 2:22:46 GMT
Post from another thread with my response - just 'cause it is relevant here!
"Have they done a nerve conduction test yet? Why can't you get Medicaid? You probably said why but I don't remember.....
Ah, Medicaid - would be that I could! Unfortunately there are rather strict "asset requirements" in this state.........and because of a well intentioned ancestor, I am one of a number of beneficiaries of an irrevocable trust fund ....... sort of a private Tontine if you will. We have all tried to break the trust over the years, but the judges have all sided with the managers of the trust and we have been unsuccessful. And the value of "my" share is just a tad over the limit for medicaid and most other plans. The irony of course it that the current annual income per share is just about enough to keep a puppy in chew toys................"Yeah, as poverty stricken as I am, I am part heir to a bunch of property - one of 12 heirs and the only one to permanently reside in the USA: Part of an original farm (1630 deed from the Dutch) on what is now New Lots Avenue in Brooklyn, New York. What was once a contiguous acreage is now bisected by streets and other "public domain". Part of it is a parking lot, part is an auto repair shop, part is miscellaneous shops, part is a cemetery and church yard, and part is STILL vacant. The fees and property taxes are barely covered by the rental income. One remaining house in Southampton, New York, again part of an old (farm) deed. The rent is astronomical, but so is the upkeep and the taxes are obscene. Don't forget the management fees ............ About 140 acres of land (NOT the buildings on them) up the Hudson River Valley of New York. This is a "queer deal" made in the late 1800's - the land was rented (empty) on a very long term lease. The income doesn't even cover the taxes any longer. The property over looks the river and would be worth millions today - IF we could sell it! Miscellaneous parcels with shops, stores and taverns all over Long Island - again, the taxes and upkeep eat up what ever income they produce. What is now two business blocks in Naples, Florida (originally a hotel built by my family in the 1920's), marginally profitable, but not suitable for retail even though it is on a premiere shopping avenue. The only thing that keeps the whole thing from going bust is, "BELIEVE IT OR NOT", one (of about a dozen) cemeteries that my family founded. It is the only cemetery left in the portfolio, but it was one of the most "fashionable" when founded and is on a register of historic places. When the swells started burying their families there, they all shelled out big time for something "new" - Perpetual Care. The bucks from that were invested well and are still seeing a return. And yes, we are still performing Perpetual Care on the grounds, even though the last plot was filled somewhere in the 1950's..............and we will be seeing to it until the local government thinks it will make a better airport/shopping mall/transit hub/housing development and practices Eminent Domain ..........again. So the only people making any real money out of this are the "business managers". And of course, THEY are an irrevocable part of the trust as well.................... All that being said, I am now going to count the change in my desk drawer and see if I can have cream in my coffee in the morning............ |
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Post by Mansons2005 on Oct 27, 2013 23:38:19 GMT
Well, I received a rather nice surprise today! And as it will help alleviate some financial expense (and give my OCD a bit of a rest!), I will post it on this thread ..... and hopefully move it to a Happy Memories thread in the future!
Knock on my door this afternoon - highly unusual, as I expect all callers to telephone BEFORE they just drop in.............. but I answered it anyway. Turned out to be one of the guys who was at our shelter for about a year and left just over a year ago. At the time he was "off the stuff", though still having a tipple on occasion, and he claimed to have gotten a full time job and a place to stay, etc. We often hear that, but our method of operation is let them do as they see fit. And unless they need us again, we seldom, if ever hear from them again (there are a few exceptions!!). When he was with us, he required a lot of assistance with reading comprehension and handwriting. And in the year I tutored him, he readily learned and even better, he was interested in what he was learning.
It turns out that this guy DID have a job and a place and STILL HAS THEM! Along with a live-in relationship that is almost a year old. He claimed that he stopped by because he was "in the neighborhood" - he lives about an hour and a half down-state, but hey, anything is possible. We chatted for a bit, catching up, etc. I asked him how he got here - train, bus, etc. He explained that he had the "work van" for the weekend (I was impressed - trust like that from a relatively new employer is not to be sneezed at! Particularly with his chequered past). So as a natural follow-up I asked what he did for a living now. He BLUSHED and STAMMERED and eventually explained.........................
He has been working for a company that runs those coin operated laundry rooms located in older apartment buildings. And he has learned how to repair washers and dryers..................and he remembered that my washing machine went winky-wonky while he was in and out of my place for tutoring.
HE CAME ALL THE WAY FROM DOWN STATE JUST TO FIX MY WASHER! It took him twenty minutes of stammering and blushing and cursing and "aw shucks" ing to tell me that it was his way of thanking me for "teaching him to read n' write", without which, he would never have gotten his life "together".
Okay, glossing over the "warm and fuzzies", he fixed the dang thing! I let him loose and did what I usually do on Sunday so I didn't embarrass him by looking over his shoulder in the event he couldn't fix it and it took him damned near four hours, but he did it (carefully explaining that all the parts he used from the truck he would pay for, 'cause he got them at cost). He was so proud of himself,. and I was so pleased (both with him AND with the thought of having a washer again), that I couldn't say NO when he suggested that he run out and get a couple of six packs. Yeah, we tippled and did a shot (or two....) together. Then I tossed him into the guest room to sleep it off (I can hear him snoring now!) before he drives home.
Me? I'm sitting here with a good buzz and "warm" insides, deciding if it just too foolish to write a farewell note to the laundromatwashaterialavenderialaunderette
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Post by Mansons2005 on Dec 10, 2013 8:38:01 GMT
Sheesh ......... its 2:30 am and I just made a (another) pot of coffee ............still can't sleep. One aspect of my latest "Adventures in Health and Medical Care" saga is really bothering me (along with the depression of having this issue reoccur). Due to my lack of adequate income and my "life threatening" condition, I now qualify for a "Free Health Care Plan".............yeah, simply put, the County will cover me, totally gratis, all expenses, all medications, including emergency dental, for one year with a review towards renewal at the end of that period. It's not a Health Plan - its CHARITY. Yep, I am now one of thousands who have to depend on taxpayers to stay alive. Within the past month I have racked up over 40k in medical costs...........how on earth do people handle this without insurance, and how do the insurance companies remain solvent with such costs? And I have another appointment at 9:30 this am with the Surgical Oncology team to decide "my fate". THAT probably will cost a few grand in itself..................
Oh Lord, I'm on the County Dole! Never in my wildest imaginings............
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Post by Mansons2005 on Nov 2, 2016 12:31:18 GMT
I am torn by this. Not sure if I should be outraged or grateful........
Ever since my health and financial conditions have deteriorated my closest friends have been after me to move to a more affordable apartment, which of course means ridding my self of a massive amount of not very important "stuff" and moving into a cookie cutter apartment in a cookie cutter building, probably in a nice, safe, uninspired and uninspiring middle class neighborhood.
I have refused. Even though I know it is the PRACTICAL solution, I know it is not the RIGHT solution. So I have refused.
They have been subsidizing me when ever necessary for the past two years, during which I have continually refused to consider moving. (Though I AM getting rid of a bunch of stuff to survive) Now I have come to believe that I have accepted enough help from them and just over a month ago I started to refuse their assistance. Add in the reality that they are in the process of adopting three early-teen boys. I know what the cost of "in" sneakers is and I know that they are gong to need every dollar to bring up these boys, their wealth not withstanding.
After I returned their latest deposit to my account, they both came to town to confront to me. We started with the "You Have To Move" if you want to survive conversation. And I think I finally got the point across to them when I explained that I am not sure that I COULD survive if I had to move to a small, mediocre flat with one bedroom with "vanilla" details and no space for creativity. Yeah, down-sizing and arranging a new, smaller home might be creative - but by definition, that would not be enough to keep my mind occupied and inspired for any appreciable length of time. Here I have plenty of space for the books and hobbies that I use to keep my mind going, I can comfortably manage to sell "stuff" online, and this place is in such "unfinished" condition that there are any number of projects to force me into creativity as well as physical activity.
They explained that I could NOT do both - refuse their assistance AND stay here. I agreed, but also explained that if I lost my home at this point, the end result would be the same and I just could not, would not, accept their help any longer. The thousands they have given me are enough. My conscience would not allow me to accept any more from them.
Fast forward about a month. On Monday last, just after a number of things "came through" just in time to save me from a few small but important financial defaults, I was checking my carefully nursed bank account and I found a deposit for $597.67, from a source I did not recognize. So I called the bank and asked about it. It turns out that it is from a money transfer company that is affiliated with a website that solicits donations to your specified cause. After I gave it a lot of thought I finally called my friends and asked if they know anything about it. They had the answer to my question............
After realizing that I was completely serious regarding their financial assistance, they created a website page in my name, asking for assistance from their wide circle of acquaintances and family. Many people (most I don't even know) have opened their wallets, as well as their hearts, and made both small and large donations to "keep" me in my home (and thus mentally healthy).
I am so grateful for the assistance and compassion on the one hand, but slightly insulted and guilty about its connotation with begging and charity on the other. BUT! Do I have the right to feel guilty? Am I intellectually capable of accepting the compassion of people I do not know, and never will? Is there a moral or ethical question here? I "want" as well as need this money at the moment, but can I really accept it? Is the "trade off" worth it? Am I allowed to be offended that my dearest friends have done this without my prior permission, even while understanding their motivations?
I have put the questions into my "to be pondered file". I have decided to accept what HAS been given until I decide if I will put the kabash on the operation or not........................even that gives me pause................
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Post by galwriagila on Nov 2, 2016 15:28:56 GMT
Well, well, well.
Pretty much everyth8ng I imagined is true.
You are a worldly, brilliant, yet oddly simple fellow... with a fascinating, privileged past and a string of losses which haven't robbed you of your curmudgeonly peterpannishness. I find your whole world to be romantic and fascinating. If I were casting your movie I think I'd need a Basil Rathbone but with a whimsical humor of, say, Tom Hanks.
I absolutely have a crush on you. Not as much as Antonio Banderas. Not even close. I feel you should know that so that you won't think I'm easy.
What a delightful read.
Do you wear a smoking jacket like Ricky Ricardo?
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Post by Mansons2005 on Nov 2, 2016 17:23:02 GMT
"Do you wear a smoking jacket like Ricky Ricardo?"
I actually sold my smoking jacket a while ago - . Red silk with black lapels...........
That's NOT to be confused with a "Smoking" which is the continental name for a tuxedo. I still have two of those, one midnight blue, one black & gold brocade - bespoke from a tailor in Tennessee that used to make clothes for Elvis..........'nuff said.............
And WHY midnight blue you ask? One of the things my father taught me, back when I was 16 and got my first tux was to NEVER buy a black one. No matter who the photographer, black always took on a rusty tinge in photographs published in magazines and newspapers. Midnight blue, which LOOKS black when being worn, also LOOKS black in photos.
And I also have 2 dressing gowns AND 2 bathrobes. Dressing for lounging around (almost my complete wardrobe these days) and bath for exactly that - going to and from the bath. \
Clothing can be so confusing when you have money.........it's easy when you are poor - just make sure that your heinie is covered.................if you in public............
I love the word "peterpannishness" - it is so very appropriate! I shall steal it and use it in the future.
I have to agree that my life HAS been interesting. I wouldn't call it romantic though. And judging by the number of people I know that have f=grown up in the same circumstances, its not unusual either. Just different from some, all valid lives and valid lifestyles.
If they ever tried to make a movie of my life Rathbone would drop dead before playing the role, IF he were still alive - and I'm pretty sure he's glad that he's NOT so the question would never arise. Hanks could put a spin on it though.
And no matter what, I suppose I shall have to bow to Banderas as your beau - he's MUCH prettier than I. You have so many qualities that I have admired in people for years, that it took me about 3 exchanges with you for me to fall in Crush with you as well! But you can tell your lucky husband that it is strictly platonic - I am 400 miles away and twice your age, so I am a threat to no one but mosquitoes.
Funny that that comes up - I am on the verge of editing and OLD piece I wrote about looks and style, etc. long ago. I wanted to put it here or in the other forum I am formulating strictly about hearth, home and lifestyle - and it is NOT a Martha Stewart how-to. It is based more on my personal philosophies and practices, garnered over the centuries of my life...........................
Be on the lookout for "The 5 Cent, 5 Minute Philosopher"!!!!
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Post by all_fakes on Nov 2, 2016 18:20:18 GMT
Many years ago, myself and some friends were talking....over our beers, as I recall.
We posed the question: "We are smart, we are talented....why are we so poor?"
And the only answer we could come up with was that we didn't have an answer.
But poverty sucks.
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Post by Mansons2005 on Nov 2, 2016 19:51:52 GMT
Many years ago, myself and some friends were talking....over our beers, as I recall. We posed the question: "We are smart, we are talented....why are we so poor?" And the only answer we could come up with was that we didn't have an answer. But poverty sucks. The ONLY redeeming thing about poverty is that it teaches you many things. Much of which you have no desire to learn.................. |
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