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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 29, 2013 11:59:45 GMT
I have "suffered" from moderate to severe OCD ever since I can remember. And I use the quotes when I say "suffered" because I do not actually suffer because of it - I live with it as an integral part of my life. Sometimes it integrates easily and unobtrusively, sometimes it wrecks havoc and causes severe depression and chaos. And as fellow "sufferers" know, CHAOS can trigger symptom which in turn can cause CHAOS which can trigger a symptom, which in turn ...................
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 29, 2013 12:10:55 GMT
Ever since I started carrying money, I have had to carry an exact amount of change. For well over half a century I have not been able to leave the house without three quarters, one dime, two nickles, and five pennies in my front left pocket (NOT right pocket,LEFT pocket).
The "theory" is that with that break down of change I can tender EXACT change for any purchase. The "reality" is that IF I tender exact change I no longer HAVE the breakdown of change to tender exact change .................. SO I carry the exact change but do not spend the exact change.......... and there is no way out of this conundrum...........
On those very rare occasions when I am "socially forced" to say, yield up a quarter for a parking meter or such, I HAVE to sneak off to a shop and get a dollar bill changed......and leave three quarters sitting on the counter because I only require ONE and the other three would throw off the EXACT count..........
And let's complicate this further .......... this obsession only applies to United States currency ........ I have happily lived in Britain, Netherlands and Germany, as well as spent large blocks of time in other countries, WITHOUT being plagued..........
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 29, 2013 12:35:29 GMT
I never "put" anything anywhere - I "arrange" things.............books are classified, then alphabetized; spices are alphabetized, tinned goods are placed in size, then alphabetical order; the top drawer of the freezer is for B)eef, Second is for B)read, third is for P)ork, fourth is for P)oultry, fifth is for V)egetables; clothing is sorted/stored by function, season, detail (long/vs short sleeve), then color (I can truly get dressed in the dark and be perfectly turned out); dishes are stored in size order - starting with dinner plates on the left down to cups on the right; glassware ditto, towels are all folded in the same direction and folded EXACTLY corner to corner - stray corneres sticking out of a stack require that the entire stack be refolded............ad nauseum
Okay - not TOO bad, huh? Except...... let's propose that I am making a sandwich........first the slices of bread go into the toaster oven (remaining bread gets put back in the bread bin as it no longer serves a function)........ then the cutting board comes out first - right in from of me......next the carving knife goes on the near right hand side, so I can slice the chicken breast ..........then the spatula goes on the right, but just beyond the knife......... Whew!
Now let's get the food! Container of chicken breasts - just above the cutting board.........Jar of spread - just above the spatula...........salt shaker & pepper mill - to the the right of the spread, because when I finish cutting the chicken, the knife goes to the right of the spatula so that when I am ALMOST finished assembling this time consuming but tasty repast, I sprinkle/grind on the salt & pepper and use the knife to cut the sandwich ON A LEFT TO RIGHT DIAGONAL......
Get a plate, place the sandwich and do a preliminary tidy - wash up is AFTER I eat - but in the mean time just rinse all spread off of the spatula, rinse the knife, place cutting board in the sink under running hot water, place crumb tray from the toaster oven on the counter next to the sink..............NOW I can eat.............
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 29, 2013 12:37:01 GMT
When I brush my teeth it is three repetitions of seven strokes per tooth/section........NOT twenty-one strokes, three repetitions of seven.............
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 29, 2013 12:40:20 GMT
Dust can be inches thick, cobwebs can form separate universes within the room, windows can be so dirty as to be opaque, but I must, absolutely MUST get a ruler and be certain that those candle sticks are each exactly 5.5" from the ends of the console...................
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 29, 2013 12:56:31 GMT
Chaos enters my life when I am not able to fulfill my compulsion for "completeness".
Once a month you sit down and pay ALL of the bills at one time - there it is ALL finished...........but not when you live cheque to cheque and have to pay things in dribbles and droplets..............
Having to use a public launderette (laundromat? washateria?) is torture .......... ALL of my clothes are never clean at the same time ...........I am in public, thus wearing clothes. Ipso facto, ALL of my clothing is not clean at the same time - even for 10 minutes................the conundrum here is that when I sent laundry out and had it done this thought NEVER entered my mind...............
When a room is cleaned - it is CLEANED........ walls and ceiling brushed down, windows washed, floors mopped and shined, carpets hoovered, furniture polished, books removed and brushed while the shelves are dusted, ornaments and objects are washed and/or polished, candles and flowers replaced............but when you no longer have the resources to hire someone and you can't stand for more than 20 minutes and you loose your breath and have to recover after simply moving a chair this is NOT possible any longer - CHAOS!!!!!!!
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 29, 2013 13:04:32 GMT
It is exactly 73 paces from my side/service door to my first morning bus stop...........well actually it is 70 paces because I start counting (yes, every time) at three (no, I don not know why). And if I should have to stop and greet/chat with an acquaintance, I can think of at least one-hundred "legitimate" reasons why I have to return home and start over.................
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 29, 2013 13:08:52 GMT
A new piece of clothing "requires" that all other items of clothing (aside from shoes and belts) be new as well........New trousers? Have to get new socks, drawers, vest, shirt and sweater to wear with it or you CAN NOT wear it..............but this has become what they currently call a non-issue .... aside from a pair of bed socks that were a gift and a pair of bedroom slippers (ditto), I have not had any new article of clothing in over ten years............
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Post by bookahtoo on Jun 30, 2013 12:24:37 GMT
This is very interesting stuff.
Since you are primarily writing about yourself, can I assume you wouldn't mind answering personal questions? I don't want to presume.
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 30, 2013 13:59:30 GMT
This is very interesting stuff. Since you are primarily writing about yourself, can I assume you wouldn't mind answering personal questions? I don't want to presume. Ask away! Most people in my life were never even aware of my "condition" but I never kept it a secret as such. Even after forty years of marriage my wife would "forget" it was an affliction - she and others just saw a collection of habits and sometimes odd little quirks............ |
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Post by Mansons2005 on Oct 27, 2013 13:11:48 GMT
Someone has been stealing Sweet & Low packets from the holder in my kitchen. How do I know this as a fact? Every Sunday morning I put 36 packets in the holder. That lasts me until my last cup of coffee on Saturday evening. Exactly. And on Sunday when am waiting for the coffee to perk (as opposed to the weekday swill from the Mr. machine), I replenish the sweetener for the next week (Sundays I use real sugar - yum!). And now for two weeks running, I have been "short" on Saturday..........once 2 packets, and yesterday 3 packets. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it throws off my "perfection"..............and makes me just a bit crazy....................
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Post by Mansons2005 on Oct 27, 2013 13:16:00 GMT
I thought that if I (finally) wrote about this condition - in a "slow" and steady fashion - I would eventually get beyond the more mundane aspects of it and on to the reality of what it has been like to cope with this on a relationship level.And it appears that I am not able to do that as of yet. I feel a bit self-defeated here..........
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jan 24, 2014 2:45:35 GMT
You want a glimpse of what OCD can do to a person? Here I am facing a life threatening surgery, with a possibly very long hospital stay, and my mind is FRANTIC. Oh, not over the surgery - over the things that MUST be DONE before I can go into hospital............ the stack of books that needs to be replaced on the shelves, the laundry that has to be done, the shirts that need to be pressed, I haven't cleaned the refrigerator in MONTHS, the letters I haven't responded to, the articles I wanted to write, the photos that aren't sorted, the bathrooms need a good going over, the guest room isn't finished, so many bits I wanted to put in this forum, which robe shall I take to the hospital (the brown one sets off my eyes, but the red one wraps over "better" in the front...) - there is SO MUCH and it is so OVERWHELMING that I actually had a panic attack and started to cry..............
And all the while I know, I truly understand, that none of it matters a damn........but that doesn't stop the NEED to do these things........... even the realization that I may come home in a brass urn instead of in a wheel chair doesn't stop the obsessing and fretting and obsessing, and obsessing, and obsessing............DAMN there are more than 50 pennies in that jar - and I ALWAYS roll them as soon as I have more than 50..................
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Fig
New Member
Posts: 42 
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Post by Fig on Jan 25, 2014 16:16:42 GMT
Breathe deeply... relax. That is all small stuff; don't worry about it. (Yes, the definition of OCD indicates that this advice might not work!) But really... it's o.k.
Fig
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Post by Mansons2005 on Jun 27, 2015 23:32:42 GMT
My OCD has once again been the cause of some embarrassment on my part this morning. One of the guys I tutor was in for some "PC Practice" which by definition means typing on the keyboard. He has a wound on his middle finger, on the pad just above the middle joint, which kept opening up and bleeding. So he naturally asked for a bandage. Now..................
I get my self-injecting medication in lots of 60 pieces to last 30 days. It comes with 60 prepackaged alcohol wipes, and I buy a box of 60 individually wrapped adhesive bandages. Each item is packaged in "attached" lots of 2 - 2 hypodermics on a card, 2 wipes attached with a perforation, ditto the bandages.............So every morning I have to separate one of each and in the evening I have a "set-up" all ready to go.
BUT - if I separated one bandage to give to this guy, I would have an uneven number of bandages, I would have to separate items on an uneven schedule and oh MY GOD!!!!! And the idea of giving him TWO "attached" bandages, well THAT is NOT acceptable...................I would obsess over it for 29 days...............
So we are standing in my bathroom in front of the open cupboard staring at a box of bandages and I am trying to convince him that the BEST solution for his 3/4" wound is a 3" square gauze pad and cloth surgical tape without sounding like a total madman by explaining that if I gave him a simple adhesive bandage I would not be able to eat or sleep for a fortnight....................
As if my life isn't complicated enough...........a tailspin over a "Band-Aid" that even Zoloft couldn't rectify would probably push me over the edge.................
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